The Fine Art of Losing Your Sh*t Over Nothing: Part 3 in the Meat Suit, Meet the Brain Series
It started with chicken breasts.
I'd decided to marinate them in teriyaki sauce for dinner the following one evening. The chicken breasts were laid out in a baking dish swimming in my homemade teriyaki marinade. Seems simple enough. Chicken, marinade, refrigerator. What could possibly go wrong, you ask?
Well, let me tell you.
Our refrigerator was packed tightly after a large grocery shopping. I felt particularly adept at finding space for the chicken because I had played quite a bit of Tetris in my life. There were bottles of water, iced tea, juice, leftovers, and the usual assortment of condiments occupying valuable refrigerator real estate. After some rearranging, I found a spot for the chicken breasts, balanced rather precariously, now that I think about it, on top of an uneven row of beverage bottles.
Was this a good idea? Absolutely not. But it fit. And sometimes that's good enough. Until it isn't.
At some point, the baking dish shifted and the teriyaki marinade escaped its container.
Thus began its leisurely journey through the refrigerator. It traveled down the walls, over the shelves, and dripped onto other refrigerated items. It made its final descent, where it finally retired, beneath the crisper drawers, settling into a sticky brown puddle. It began drying into something resembling industrial-strength adhesive. I was pretty sure I could glue a construction helmet to a beam and dangle a grown man from it.
By the time I discovered it, the damage was done. I grabbed a paper towel and started cleaning. Then I realized the marinade had gotten underneath the crisper drawers. Fine. I'd just take them out and clean beneath them.
Except the damned drawers wouldn't come out. I pulled. I lifted. I tilted them at various angles. I pushed them back in and tried again. Nothing.
Now, I KNOW those drawers come out. I've taken them out before. But apparently, on this particular day, the refrigerator had decided otherwise. I spent an unreasonable amount of time wrestling with two plastic drawers while my irritation steadily escalated into something approaching homicidal rage.
At this point, I was no longer cleaning up teriyaki marinade. I was fighting for my dignity. But the crisper drawers were winning.
Somewhere along the way, my vocabulary deteriorated considerably. I was furious with the refrigerator, the drawers, the marinade, whoever designed the drawers, and quite possibly the entire human race. All because of a little spilled teriyaki sauce. What the hell?
When the Meat Suit Joins the Fight
Here's where things get interesting.
Somewhere between discovering the sticky mess and my fourth unsuccessful attempt to remove the crisper drawers, my body had joined the battle. You know the feeling. Your jaw tightens. Your shoulders creep toward your ears. Your breathing changes. Your muscles tense, and suddenly you're pulling on something with considerably more force than the situation warrants. I was at the point where I didn’t give a damn if the crisper drawer broke. I was getting it out!
Your entire body seems to be saying, "I HAVE HAD ENOUGH OF THIS SH*T!" And the really interesting thing is that you can know perfectly well that you're behaving ridiculously and still have trouble stopping.
I wasn't in danger. Nobody was threatening me. I wasn't being chased through the woods by a bear. I was standing in my kitchen, losing an argument with a refrigerator. Yet anger and frustration aren't simply thoughts occurring somewhere inside our heads. They're experiences involving the whole body.
When we're frustrated, our autonomic nervous system can shift toward a state of increased arousal. Our heart rate may increase, our breathing may change, and our muscles may tighten. These physical changes are part of the emotional experience, not merely an afterthought.
And the relationship works in both directions. Our brains influence what's happening in our bodies, while sensations from our bodies provide information that can influence how we experience and respond to emotions.
In other words, my mind and my meat suit were having a rather unproductive conversation, and neither one seemed interested in listening.
But Why Such a Big Reaction?
Have you ever completely lost your sh*t over something insignificant and wondered afterward where that reaction came from? Maybe it was the printer jamming when you were already running late. Or the computer freezing just before you finished something important. Or discovering that someone had used the last of the toilet paper and neglected to replace the roll. Again.
Sometimes these things happen when we're already carrying a substantial load of stress. We've been managing responsibilities, tolerating frustrations, worrying about people we love, and generally trying to keep all the plates spinning. Then one little thing goes wrong.
And suddenly, we're done.
But sometimes there isn't an enormous reservoir of hidden stress. Sometimes a frustrating situation becomes progressively more frustrating, particularly when we feel stuck, thwarted, or unable to solve a problem that ought to be simple. Like removing two damned plastic drawers. Either way, the emotional response can become much bigger than the problem itself. And the more agitated we become, the harder it may be to approach the problem calmly or flexibly. We pull harder. We curse louder. We keep doing the same unsuccessful thing, only with greater enthusiasm. It's not exactly our finest moment.
Your Body Might Be Trying to Tell You Something
One of the things I frequently encourage people to do in therapy is pay attention to what happens in their bodies when they're experiencing strong emotions. Not because we should all aspire to float through life in a perpetual state of blissful serenity. Frankly, I find that expectation particularly annoying.
But because our bodies can provide useful information about our emotional states. There's a term for our ability to perceive internal bodily sensations: interoception. We notice our heartbeat, breathing, hunger, tension, and other sensations that help us understand what's happening inside us. And learning to recognize some of those signals can be useful when emotions begin escalating.
Imagine that somewhere in the middle of my refrigerator wrestling match, I'd noticed that my shoulders were tense, my jaw was clenched, and I was gripping the drawer as though my life depended on removing it. I might have recognized that I was getting increasingly worked up. Maybe I could have stopped for a moment, loosened my grip, taken a few slower breaths, and walked away long enough to regain a little perspective. Or maybe I would have continued cursing at the refrigerator.
I'm a psychotherapist, not a saint.
The point isn't that noticing what's happening in our bodies magically eliminates frustration. It doesn't. But awareness can create a little space between what we're experiencing and how we respond. And sometimes a little space is all we need to make a different choice.
Sometimes the Refrigerator Wins
I wish I could tell you that I handled the entire episode with grace, patience, and a deep appreciation for the lessons the universe was offering me. I did not. And that's okay, provided we take responsibility for what we do with our frustration, particularly when other people are on the receiving end.
We all have moments when our reactions are bigger than we'd like. Being human means occasionally behaving in ways that are inconsistent with our better judgment. The goal isn't to eliminate anger or frustration. Both are normal human emotions. The goal is to become more aware of what's happening inside us so we have a better chance of choosing what happens next.
So, the next time you find yourself losing your sh*t over something seemingly ridiculous, pay attention to your body. Notice your jaw, your shoulders, your breathing, your heartbeat. You might discover that your meat suit has been gearing up for battle while your conscious mind is still insisting that everything is fine.
And if you happen to find yourself on your knees in front of an open refrigerator, muttering obscenities at a plastic drawer? Well, you're in good company. Just don't ask me to help you remove the damned thing.
For Those Who Are Curious: The Nerdy Stuff
What's happening in the nervous system when frustration escalates? Emotions involve interactions among brain networks responsible for detecting significance, interpreting events, regulating behavior, and monitoring the body's internal state.
The autonomic nervous system helps regulate functions such as heart rate, breathing, and digestion. During anger or frustration, sympathetic nervous system activity may increase, preparing the body for action.
The brain's insula plays an important role in processing internal bodily sensations, while areas of the prefrontal cortex participate in attention, decision-making, and emotional regulation. Under stress, some aspects of cognitive flexibility and inhibitory control may become less effective, making it harder to pause, reconsider, or shift strategies.
Why does body awareness matter?
Interoception refers to sensing and interpreting signals from within the body. Recognizing patterns of tension, breathing, and other internal sensations may help us identify emotional arousal before it intensifies. Awareness alone doesn't guarantee emotional regulation, and bodily signals aren't always easy to interpret. But combining that awareness with strategies such as pausing, changing our breathing, or stepping away from a frustrating situation may help us respond more deliberately.
The important thing to remember is that emotional regulation isn't simply a matter of thinking differently. It's also about recognizing and responding to what's happening throughout the body. A little science. A little self-awareness. And perhaps a little less yelling at the refrigerator.
References & Further Reading
For readers interested in exploring the science behind our occasionally spectacular emotional meltdowns:
Khalsa, S. S., et al. (2018). Interoception and mental health: A roadmap. Biological Psychiatry: Cognitive Neuroscience and Neuroimaging, 3(6), 501–513.
Critchley, H. D., & Garfinkel, S. N. (2017). Interoception and emotion. Current Opinion in Psychology, 17, 7–14.
Arnsten, A. F. T. (2009). Stress signalling pathways that impair prefrontal cortex structure and function. Nature Reviews Neuroscience, 10, 410–422.
Gross, J. J. (2015). Emotion regulation: Current status and future prospects. Psychological Inquiry, 26(1), 1–26.
Janet is a licensed independent clinical social worker, psychotherapist, and yoga therapist with decades of experience in mental health and integrative wellness. She is the founder of Interiority Wellness, where she helps individuals navigate life's challenges, deepen self-understanding, and cultivate emotional well-being. Her writing explores the complexities of the human experience, drawing on clinical knowledge, mind-body practices, and a compassionate, holistic approach to mental health.
