Meat Suit, Meet the Mind: Part 2 - "I'm Fine," Said My Jaw
That first sip of piping hot coffee on this particular morning was everything. Oat milk and a touch of sweetness, but not too much.
I sat down and watched the sun come up with one cat curled comfortably on my lap and another draped over my ankles on the ottoman. It was a perfect way to start the day. I lingered a bit too long, though, and had to rush to get dressed and ready for my 9 o'clock appointment at my office.
"Lunch, books, paperwork, handouts, coffee," I repeated to myself like a mantra so I wouldn't forget anything. Balancing my coffee cup on top of a pile of books and papers, I headed down the stairs. I knew it was a risky maneuver, but I was already running late and didn't want to make a second trip. Usually, I get to the office well before my first client so I can review the day's charts.
I still needed to make my lunch. As I hurried down the stairs, my coffee cup tipped. I was horrified to see coffee soaking into our new Berber carpet. I knew that the carpet would get stained eventually, but I didn't intend to be the first one to christen it.
I put down the books and papers, ran to the kitchen for carpet stain remover and a clean cloth. The clean up went very well, but it took about twenty minutes. I'd have to buy lunch. There no longer was time to make it and get to the office before my client.
I slid in just before nine. Do you know when your routine is messed up and you feel like maybe your underpants are on backwards? Something's just not right. That's how I felt slipping into my office and putting down my things just as my client entered the waiting room.
After the session, I sat at my desk to write my note and noticed my jaw was throbbing. Was it a toothache? The ache ran up toward my temple and down into my neck.
I took a moment to check in with the rest of me. My shoulders were tight, too, and I was still moving with the urgency of someone who had to get out the door ten minutes ago. The carpet had been cleaned. I’d made it to work. My client had no reason to know what kind of morning I’d had. But my body was apparently still on the staircase, watching the coffee spill.
"What's going on?" I wondered.
“I’m fine,” said my jaw.
It definitely was not fine. I’ve spent years helping people notice the ways stress shows up in their bodies, and I had missed it in my own. That’s not especially surprising. When we’re busy dealing with what’s in front of us, we don’t always notice what it takes to get through it.
Stress doesn't always announce itself. Sometimes, the problem is over before we notice what our bodies did to get us through it. I had moved on from the morning's fiasco because my schedule required it. My body had not caught up. It held onto the annoyance of spilling coffee on the rug and the worry about being late.
When you are stressed, angry, or worried, do you notice what happens in your body? Maybe your chest feels heavy, your stomach tightens, or your neck begins to ache.
Paying attention to your body can help you recognize stress sooner. Sometimes our bodies give us a clue before we've found words for what we're feeling. When we notice the stomach clenching, it may be telling us that something feels uncertain or is uncomfortable, even when we haven't yet figured out why. A tight jaw may be the first sign that we are irritated. Shoulders creeping toward our ears might tell us we've been bracing through a difficult conversation.
These sensations aren't diagnoses, and they don't always have an obvious meaning. But they give us a reason to pause and ask, What is happening with me right now?
This would be a very good time to do a body check. Notice your jaw, shoulders, chest, stomach, arms, and hands. Is anything tight, restless, heavy, or uncomfortable? It isn't necessary to scan every inch of yourself. Next, name what is happening. My jaw is tight. My neck is aching, My stomach is clenched. I'm still in a hurry. The aim is to identify what is happening even if you aren't sure yet what it all means.
I know this may seem like a very obvious and inconsequential act, especially if your goal is to stop feeling anxious. Trust me, noticing gives you a place to start. Once you notice that your jaw is tight or that you are still rushing while sitting at your desk, you can pause and decide what might help. You don't have to change the feeling just yet. You first have to know it is there.
That in itself is a monumental step for many of us.
After I noticed the tightness in my jaw that morning, I let it relax as much as it would. I massaged it gently with my fingers. I put my feet on the floor and took a breath bringing my mind to the present. I was no longer racing down the steps to the office.
You can try the same small pause anytime today. You don't have to wait until you're in the middle of an anxious episode. You can begin noticing what's happening in your body when things are relatively comfortable.
Notice one place in your body and name what you feel there. You may know exactly what brought it on, or you may have no idea. Either way, you’ve begun paying attention.
In the next article, we’ll look at a few things you can do once you’ve noticed what’s happening.
For those who are curious
The ability to sense and interpret signals from inside the body is called interoception. It includes noticing things like your heartbeat, breathing, and the sensations in your stomach. The brain uses these signals, along with what is happening around you, as part of how you experience emotion. A tight stomach doesn’t tell you with certainty “I’m anxious,” but it may give you a clue worth paying attention to.
Researchers are also learning that how we respond to a sensation matters. Noticing a racing heart with curiosity is different from immediately deciding that something terrible is happening. A body check gives us a moment to notice the sensation and consider what it might mean. It isn’t a promise that anxiety will disappear, but it is a useful place to begin.
Janet Nash, MSW, LISW-S, Yoga Therapist, CCTP, is a psychotherapist, writer, and founder of Interiority Wellness. Her work explores mental health, generational healing, creativity, nature, and the quiet ways we find our way back to ourselves.
